I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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