Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
