Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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