No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
