i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
