goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
