I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
even my farts smell like vagina
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
