I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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