tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
