Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
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To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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