life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
