Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
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