I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
