Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Bring me that man meat
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
