some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
