ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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