Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize