i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
