Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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