I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
