someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
