1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
