They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
