Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
