think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
