Ambien. No doubt about it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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