You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
