She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
