Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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