She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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