Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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