I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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