Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
