I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
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med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
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I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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