Moan for me like Helen Keller
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.