hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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