i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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