you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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