I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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