I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The adults are the big ones right?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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