omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
