I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
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He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
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I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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