remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
