he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
