...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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