Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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