On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
