dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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