goodnight i made you a song goodbye
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
