my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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