maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
