Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
