Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
