I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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