Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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