hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
