What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
