But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
