her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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