I like to think it a success when the cops are called
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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