So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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