You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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